grandma on my birthday party

The truth feelings that they never ever know well.
Tomorrow is my birthday.
Yesterday was my cousin's birthday.
So, as we have a family CNY gathering,
also celebrated our birthday,they bought cakes,
and even my present, a huge cute monkey
(sweathui's favourite)~
Actually, I thanks them a lot.
But, they dont really realised my hard smiling...
I wondered,
this time i was really tired of being so initiative
to speak and chat and talk with them..
why dont they understand i've been taken initiative for years,
since i was still a small kid...
and you thought i was so stupidly sumtimes that...
why, why when i started to be quiet,
they talk nothing???
I hate the distance so far like that...
i hate !!
You know everythings changed,
the moment after i took my cake,
i pull myself apart from them,
i saw myself standing there,
and ...i miss grandma...
when grandma's not there, i feel different.
Not even them,
even those bigger elderly man and woman...
their actions and movements,
what they'd done to me i was soooo UPSET!
I hate being treated as m not one of their family member,
they dont care much...
they thought that they're all so big and being gained experiences,
and we're all just lil' child????
18 years old as a child still??
whatever we said we done are just still unmature??
they dont take our opinions!!
they're so ego!!!!
they're all thought that they're right~
i miss grandma....
i miss grandma...
i dont have her on my birthday gathering party...
i feel sad....
my tears are goin to drop but i hold it~
they'll laugh!! they dont know our sensitive feelings,
they do whatever they feel right
and dont even care bout us~
Looks like so harmony, but
there're lack of something so important....

i miss grandma.